Friday, June 20, 2003 :::
I just figured out how to add comments. Hope it works!
::: posted by michele-lee at 5:17 PM
So the city sent us a mean letter today to mow our lawn. I was hoping not to mow until the 300 or so gladiola bulbs we planted las t year flower but it seems the city can't stand the sight of long grass. We had thought we pulled it up last year but grass is hardy and clearly we didn't.
oh well no beautiful flowers for us
::: posted by michele-lee at 4:58 PM
Thursday, June 19, 2003 :::
I've messed up my internal clock. If I could sleep forever I would. But that isn't possible.
::: posted by michele-lee at 2:34 AM
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 :::
I've been gone for awhile. Now I'm back. It was a good week away but emotional.
I went to Las Vegas with a dear friend who I don't see enough.
I love Las Vegas. Not the gambling so much as the people watching. Watching people that are dropped down into a surreal experience and watching how they react is mind boggling.
As Las Vegas has grown I find that the people I watch are not as awed by the scale of the place . They seem to be zombies walking from place to place. Now I know that some of those people have always been there. Its the glazed gambling look just waiting for luck to alight on your shoulder. But there were always , it seemed , people who had come just to see the legend of Las Vegas. And I didn't see many of those people this time. Hopefully I wasn't looking in the right places.
For me, Las Vegas is eternally associated with my Grandmother. She died over a year ago and I thought I was past the nightly crying. And maybe I am. But she brought me to Vegas the first time and saw beauty there. She talked about moving but for her to be so far from family was not possible. So she didn't.
When I was sitting on the 25th floor overlooking the lights of vegas I could feel her there with me. We talked; or rather I talked and she listened. I told her how much I miss her and how hard it is not to have her here with me every day. And of course I told her how much I still love her. And it was good to talk to her but now I'm back to the daily crying . the scab will toughen again and I'll eventually smile more than i cry but i thought i was there already.
And to up the ante , it was also father's Day Weekend.
I never grew up with a Father but I had an idea of him. And until my mid 20's I had the fantasy that he would get his act together stop drinking and maybe we could be friends. But he died when I was 24 and he was just 45. And the one thing that comforted me at the time was that he had told someone as he was dying that he had no regrets. I would love to live my life and have no regrets. But that isn't possible.
I regret never knowing my father
::: posted by michele-lee at 12:31 PM
